I feel fked up now, because I realised I have to book in later in the night.
I'm still having slight flu, with some phlgem. This is great, just great. After training like F last week, I felt f-ing lethargic due to my flu. I had to endure and pull through and not claim my status simply because I was the platoon IC and it wouldnt look good on me.
There's only 1 reason I use vulgarities. I need to vent some frustrations. If its all pent up I might just go berserk.
Perhaps I'd never be who I was again. Albeit having an open mind and able to endure the trainings and punishments, I still dread NS, and the thought of only having 1 rest day a week. Then again, which NSF doesnt?
I hope I still have some motivation to go church. The family has officially fallen apart, and I'm numb to it. After knowing the reason my leader left, I cant help but feel f-ed up. He left because he felt rejected? wtf. Should I give him the benefit of doubt?
Trials, changes, uncertainties. Where is God? I have all the model answers in my head. I just dont know how to apply them. How now?
Wanted to delete what I'd written but decided to just let it be there. It's better to air my already burdened heart.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
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