I had a field camp this week, which spells the end of week 5 in BSLC. Well, basically I was trained to leap over a drainage( omgbbqkn***b) I fell into that hole once in the dawn. My leap of faith landed me into an embarassing and painful position.
We rushed to wait, and waited to rush again. Enough of NS. Ask me if you're interested in my boring world of vegetation, carbon and metal.
I had the chance to catch up with a dear friend today. Chances like these are rare nowadays. To my surprise, she told me she was attached. The shock set in when she revealed that he was not a christian.
Interlude:
Well, she was, and I hope still is, a fervent believer. She advocated strongly against getting a non-believer boyfriend last time. However you may argue and twist it, I still think its wrong. Converting him? Sticking to your covenant? Making a stand? Not being influenced? Haha.
Although this incident does not affect me directly, I'm still stumbled in the sense that I'm witnessing people leaving/changing church, in a wrong relationship.
However I may suppress it, I know very well that there's a boy inside of me, craving for love, for attention, for affirmation, for security. Decisions that I make often are influenced by those needs. Its like desperately trying to reach for something vague. I dont even know where to start.
My heart yearns and aches, for someone that I can share my thoughts with freely, to tell me off when Im not doing the right things.
There's a 1001 things I hate about myself. Im slow, complacent, arrogant, lazy, quick to flare up or get irritated, indifferent, rude.
Set me free from these emotional shackles God, let me know you're still there.
Friday, January 23, 2009